I so wish I was able to surrender all of me to Christ. It's so hard to have faith in something you can't see. I'd love to cast all of my cares on Him, but I can't trust that they will be taken care of. I want so badly to just be able to trust him. Why can't I? I pray constantly that I would be able to surrender my plans. There's this song that says this:

Ruin my life, the plans that I've made, Ruin these eyes for my own selfish gain, destroy the idols that have taken Your place, until it's you alone I live for.

I pray that He would do that in my life. I think I'm prepared and ready for that change... if I'm able to make it. If that makes sense.

This is kind of how I feel right now:

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I've been so caught up in trival matters that I have not spent time with the only thing that really matters.

I don't know who I think I am. Do I think I'm okay without Him? I must be crazy. What is wrong with me?

It's so hard for me to trust and have faith. So so so difficult. Why can't I just have faith?

I'm driving myself crazy. I can talk the talk but I can't walk the walk and I hate myself for that.

I deserve nothing, I wish He would take it all away. Would I have faith then?

I graduate in a few weeks. Something I've been looking foward to forever is now something I'm dreading.

Some one called me a "real adult" today. Real adult. I don't think I can live up to that title (and part of me never wants to).

Eek.

So I haven't written an entry in a very, very long time. I have been so busy I'm suprised I've had time to breathe... if that makes sense.

Today, I have no plans... and it's so nice. This year has just been going so fast, and there's so much I had to do, and still so much I have to do to prepare for this fall!

I'm having trouble with my career plans. First of all I hate having to plan... I think it will come to me when I least expect it. Second of all... I have to pick something that I will still be interested in 10, 20, 30 years down the road. It's tough, but I think that God will make it known to me in His time.

On that note, I think I've been drifting further and further from Christ. I feel like I have just been so wrapped up in my own life and doing things the way I want them done, that I haven't had time to just stop... and let Him take the reigns.

I need some me and Him time, with no distractions.

I hope all of you are doing well! Spring is coming! :)

-Me

P.S.- this is a beautiful song

So... life is tough sometimes. But I'm so blessed.

I'm learning more about myself and more importantly Him daily.