So, I've never been one to have a set routine in the morning or in life, and this morning as I was getting ready for school I realized that I now have a morning routine. This made me sad. Why, you ask?

This is why:

Life is getting too hard to goof around, I have to have a set time for each thing in the morning or else something won't get done and I'll be late. This means... that my childhood is over. There's no one to tell me what to do anymore, I'm not by completely by myself yet, and the appeal of me on my own isn't looking so good now.

I realized this morning, that nothing will ever be the same from this point on. I have to be more mature, solve my own problems and make my own decisions. Life isn't a stroll in the park, it's hard. I'm so scared that once I leave here, I'll have nothing, and I'll be alone for the rest of my life. It seems insane to me that all of this popped into my head because I realized I actually had a set routine.

I don't feel like I'm ready to handle any responsibility and I want to give up.

From this moment on... and this moment.... and this moment... and this moment nothing will ever be the same.

I'm afraid to say goodbye.

I heard a really fantastic sermon today. I'm going to try to sum it up.

We all live way too comfortably here in the U.S. of A. We can go through a whole day and spend like 2 minutes outside of air conditioning. Our society encouarges us to be comfortable and avoid things that make us sad, or uncomfortable.

If someone loses someone they love, we tell them that "everything will be ok" or "you're handleing this very well".

No where in the bible does it say that you can't mourn. But it does say...

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

It's ok to cry. The pastor said to not hold it inside of you, it will only make it worse. Jesus cried two times in the Bible, this showed us that He was truly human.

People don't have to play the perfect christian and act like they are always happy because it's a lie, no one's ever without a care in the world.

I really appreciated this message, I feel like this is what I needed to hear.

God doesn't want us to hold it inside. It's ok to be sad.

I feel so overwhelmed with life right now. I feel like I'll never be able to catch up, this isn't a good feeling.

I keep losing people that are close to me and I know things are never going to be the same, and that bothers me. I'd like to think that things won't change and I'll have it this easy forever, but that's not the case at all.

At this point I feel like all of my "love interests" (if you will) are out of reach for now. I think right now that I just need to focus at the work at hand, which is of course, studying and working. But in about an hour I'll probably regret ever saying that. I do want to know that someone cares about me as much as I care about them.

Anyway, I have gotton the biggest kick out of Lucy's blog! Hah, I told some of the ladies that were in the chat room that if I do it I'm going to sing "Jingle Bells". I'm very computer challenged, so it may not happen, actually, it probably won't. But- it would've been funny!

Oh and Rosie has the cutest voice ever! Awwww!

That's it!

Stay Tuned!

I you!

Why to we try so hard at everything we do? I know that sounds pesimistic, but seriously. We're only here for 80, 90 years, why do we care about our IQ or our social status?

At the end of the day, none of it matters. When you're talking to God He doesn't care how popular you are, what you wear or how intelligent you may be, He just wants you to love Him like He loves us.

I hate that we have to work so hard for stupid stuff while we should be out there serving people and making things right in the world. I want to live my life, I've learned enough in school for now, I'm ready to go experience life, and learn from life itself! I just want to go.

Don't get me wrong, I know society would crash without education and I realize it's importance. I wish communism worked... but it doesn't, so forget that. People are too obsessed (myself included) with themselves and what will make them better.

All men aren't created equal. BUT- God has a plan for EVERYONE, and you can't change it, or mess it up that's the good news.

I know everyone is posting things about 9/11, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I want to go back in time, run through the streets of New York City and scream at the top of my lungs warning these people. I wish I could save them, I wish I could've been there to help, I wish... this would have never happened.

If you lost someone on 9/11, you are my hero. You are so strong.

God Bless. I love you all (that needs to be said more).



To hear a special 9/11 version go here:

http://myspace.com/thefrayforum