I'm beginning to realize just how scary life is. I'm at the point in my life where I have to start making some huge decisions... and I don't do well with big decisions. I'm so scared I'm going to make the wrong one and be doing something that I hate. But, then at the same time, I know that God won't let that happen and I know that whatever I choose to do will be His will. It's the only thing I can't mess up. So that's reassuring... in a way.

I'm bad at trusting people, I think that's why it's so hard to trust God with my life sometimes. Sometimes I think I can't even trust myself, why should I trust Him? I need prayer guys. Please.

Another thing, LOVE! I've come to the conclusion that the reason my siblings and I keep men away is because we see what failure our parent's marriage is. It seems like there aren't too many couples out there anymore who truly love each other. I KNOW true love exists, I see it in my Grandparents. I want what they have, they are so in love and have been for 51 years and will continue to be.

This is yet another thing I have to trust God with.

I would rather get married at the age of 70 and be truly in love, then be stuck in a loveless marriage. It breaks my heart.

I finally saw this movie. I have read half the book, but never finished it. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've been told to see this movie. Everyone knows I love romance and that I love those kinds of movies. So, I encourage all of you hopeless romantics like me to go see it! I've never cried so much.

Is this bad that I am questioning everything in my life right now? I'm not sure about anything. I'm not even sure of my own name. How come I am questioning what I thought was the only stable, secure thing in my life? I don't understand this at all. Why do I have to over analyze every aspect of my life?

Maybe I'm just convincing myself that I'm scum. I'm not, and I want to be sure of what I want and of what I think. I'm better than I think I am, now I just have to convince myself that's true.

This doesn't make sense to you... it makes perfect sense to me.

...to see what happens next.



Oh, those eyes.