So... life is tough sometimes. But I'm so blessed.

I'm learning more about myself and more importantly Him daily.

Let me start off by saying that I am so blessed to have two parents who love me so incredibly much. I also have everything I could possibly need time 10,000.

As I've grown up some I've realized that my perfect family isn't so perfect. I feel like we're all pretending and putting on this show. Every family is somewhat disfunctional... at least the one's I know are, so why do we have to pretend like ours isn't?

My parents don't love eachother and their is constant tension in the house because of it. My dad acts like the whole world is against him and that everything we say is to make fun of him. Depression and Alcoholism run in the family (luckily must are medicated and stay away from alcolhol... but not all). I heard that someone in my family lied about something really silly that we don't do at home to make us look good. I dont want to say specifics.

Lifes tough... everyone has a story why do we all try so hard to cover it up, I need to cry but I can't.

So I must admit, I laughed quite a bit when I watched Bruce Almighty, but it was a little inappropriate. But... I saw Evan Almighty tonight, actually for the second time and it has some really thought provoking lines... here's one of them:

God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

Morgan Freeman plays an excellent God. But all this is so true. I have prayed that I am able to stand up for my faith, and God has thrown so many questions and doubters at me, but I think I'm doing ok.

Anyway, I recommend that to anyone, it's really good.

Also, I wanted to apologize for like never posting anymore... school and work are taking a lot of time. Anyway, I hope to hear from all of you soon! Let me know what's going on because I've been gone for quite awhile!

Well I had a whole blog written about this book, and I lost it.

So all I have to say is read it. It's about a woman in Saudi Arabia and her struggle, because she is a woman, it is extremely sad and one of the best books I have read.

I want so badly to help the women over there, and all over the world, but I feel like there is nothing I can do right now.

I want to know that I will have the same desire someday to give this my all. I know I can't change the world, but I can change some lives.

Read this, seriously. You'll cry and you'll laugh.


THIS IS THE BOOK! LOOK FOR IT!



yes, even the eyes....

You know when someone says something that you don't want to be true but you know it is... and it drives you crazy?

I have been praying about my pride recently. Recently, I have felt like I am the proudest person in the world.

We've been doing a sermon series at our church called Unlikely Heros. We've talked about Gideon, Debrah and Samson. Last night he asked us what was keeping us from being unlikely heros. He suggested that maybe we are putting our trust in other things than God, like Samson. He said maybe we are putting our trust in our insecurities. It sounds weird. It sounded even weirder too me when I heard it. But the more I thought about it through the remainder of the sermon the more it hit me. I realized that I have been putting my trust in the fact that I truly believe I cannot be a hero. I cannot do anything, because I am a teenager. I am a woman. I am average... in everything.

When I realized I have been putting my trust in my insecurities I was humbled. I have never felt that way in my life.

How can someone so proud be so insecure? Why can't I trust God? Why is trust such a hard thing for me?

I want to live a life of humility and know that I can be an unlikely hero...

I'm really good at not crying in public, so I held it together. I got into my car and wept (I say wept because I have never cryed like this before). It felt good to be alone and let it all out, I didn't have to worry about who could hear me, or see me since it was dark. It was a long ride home, but I took the longer way. I turned off the radio and prayed.

I want you to pray for me too. That as I grow and mature and turn into a woman that I also grow to be more humble.

I love you all.