I'm reading Blue like Jazz by Donald Miller right now, and I'm enjoying it.

I get distracted easily while reading, but his style of writing keeps me going. He switches topics every chapter, which is great.

I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. I feel like I've done what I need to and now I can begin to focus on creating a more intimate relationship with God. I don't want to drift. Because without Him I'm a mess.

I encourage all of you to read this book. It's good, really.

So tomorrow...I think I'm going to try and ignore the fact that it is Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day is a great holiday... IF you have someone to share it with. For the rest of us, it's just a reminder of how alone we really are. On my planner, in the blank for 02/14/07 it simply says "BOOOOOOOO".

I'm not gothic or depressed, I just don't want have a poopy day tomorrow.

So will y'all please be my Valentine(s)?

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Been thinkin thinkin thinkin.

So I posted an entry on November 1st about a dream I had. I have not been able to stop thinking about this dream since then. So tonight, while I was at a bookstore I decided to look through a dream book.

I'm not into superstitious stuff, or horoscopes or anything like that but hey, I was curious. But actually- what it said seemed pretty accurate.

It said that walking symbolized loneliness. In the dream, there was soft light and it was like what I pictured heaven like... so I looked that up. It said that it symbolizes peace within. Then... I looked up river and it said that a river symbolizing moving on.

SO- the point of this entry is... maybe... what I'm supposed to give up is what I love the most. What I was walking towards in this dream, the one person that I was trying to get to who is also the one person I really don't want to give up.

My logic is probably all wrong.

To understand this post... you can read about it from November 1st's post.

Tell me what you think... crazy?

Every time I hear a good sermon I learn a lot about God and quite a bit about myself as well.

I think that God wants me to give something up, and I'm trying to figure out what that is. I think that, whatever it is, that is what is standing between me and Him.

I want to be fine on my own, I don't want to have to have friends and people around me to comfort and support me. He should be enough, and I know He is, but for some reason I don't think I believe it.

Almost every night I say the same old routine prayer. THIS IS NOT GOOD. When I do decide that I want to let it all out I end up in tears and cry myself to sleep.

I've been feeling guilty. I don't want to go back to being a lukewarm Christian.

ughhhhhhhh

This my dear friends is the reason for my blog name. My real name is not Autumn nor am I from New York.

I actually didn't think about the fact that people may think my name was Autumn or that I was from New York when I made it... so I find it kind of funny.

Much love.